1.20.2007

When the boy is away...

Nat has been out of town since Monday night and I am anxiously awaiting his arrival tomorrow. Corrina is great company, but not so great when it comes to conversation. According to most studies the average women speaks 20,000 words a day, the average man 7,000. So if you take into consideration I will have had 6 days of minimal human contact & conversation by the time Nat arrives home that is roughly 120,000 unspoken words. But for proper calculations I will subtract around 7,000 for phone conversations & my few visits with actual people. Leaving 113,000 unspoken words. I suppose the reason to my maddness here is I would like to forewarn my long lost husband that he has an earful coming!!!

Some might wonder what a girl would do with her husband gone a whole week other than deprive herself of her daily word quota. I have joined a yoga studio once again and have been enjoying my Golden practice. The owner/instructor is very friendly and warm, a complete opposite of OC yoga where you go to class, practice, then go home, haven spoken to no one. I had a design meeting, taught art classes, and worked for a photographer. Tonight I cleaned the house, even the baseboards!

A week without Nat was not totally without adventure. Thursday late afternoon upon returning from the dog park with Corrina I realized when trying to open my back door I had locked myself out of the house! GREAT! So I tapped into my inner thief and thought hmmmm how can I break in? I first tried the window next to the door that goes into the basement. I am pushing with all of my might and the darn thing wont budge. I decided to give it one last effort then move onto another window. Just then on my last push CRACK...then whole window shatters, glass falling on the ground before me and into the basement stair case. SUPER! Now not only am I worrying how the heck I am going to get back into my house I now have a nice mess awaiting me, and vast hole where the 30 degree air is blaring in my warm home. By this time it is rapidly approaching dark and my fingers and toes are now uncomfortably numb.

On to window number 2, the shower window, where an elevated shelf full of shampoos & conditioners await me followed by the tub. So here I go again with all my might pushing and shoving, even grunting at one point, no luck again, it won't budge. Having learned my lesson before I decide to opt for an alternative method. Thank God the shed was open and I was able to get 2 flat head screw drivers and hedge trimmers. With these fine tools I was able to use them as a lever and get the window open enough so I could scrap through. Yeah, we have entry. So as I am scraping though with my feet sticking out of the window and shampoos falling to the tub before me I place one hand on each side of the tub. I am now in elevated push up position...I am hoping and praying that I do not loose my grip and plunge face first into the tub because the idea of a broken and bloody nose does not sound too appealing at this point in time. Not necessarily because of the pain, but because of the blood, which would have been another mess that I would have had to clean up. Finally I enter, both feet in the tub, I am inside!!!

I run to the door to let Corrina in and then return to my muddy tub to shut the window...it won't budge! I am literally hanging on the window with my fingers and feet dangling and the thing won't even squeak like it is about to move. Now I have 2 gaping holes sucking all of the warm air out of my house. So I walk downstairs to the basement for some more miracle tools. On the way down the concrete stairs I slip and fall landing on my back I then was subjected to a joy ride as I slid down about 4 stairs. Laying there on the concrete stairs I realized geez I am glad I did not bust my head open, that would have been a little difficult worrying about driving myself to the er and arranging a baby sitter for Corrina.

I returned upstairs with a hammer and finally got the window to come down. I placed all of my fallen bath tub products on the shelf I was earlier levitating over. Next obstacle the window....I spent the next hour cleaning up the glass and taping foam and plastic to the broken window hoping that it would keep out the bitter cold. Finally, I collapsed onto my couch just in time to watch Grey's Anatomy.

"A series of unfortunate events", as my friend Rachel said; I think that is an elegant way of putting my Thursday night adventures. After tapping into my inner thief I decided the life of a crook is not for me. It is definitely not graceful climbing through windows and leaves many bruises and pains. Well I suppose not all thieves fall down concrete stairs. I can now laugh through the sore back, bruised arm, and glassless window, thankfully!

2 comments:

Paslay Parentals said...

Jackie...you are certainly a determinded and very resourceful young lady...something I've always known about you...and dad says he knows where you get it! Your blog cracked me up...I loved the stats on how many words a woman speaks daily...WOW!!! Guess dad will get his earful next week...he's heading to Cali on Tuesday and returns Friday!! We saw the commericial tonight about the little girl talking non-stop to her dad in his new Volvo...dad said he imagined that is what I was like as a little girl...WELL!! I love that commerical!!

I'm glad your "boy" is coming home tomorrow....I know you have missed him...and you cleaned the BASEBOARDS!!! Wow...you are bored!!!

Love you forever,
Mom<><

RyAnn said...

This story made me laugh! I am glad it all worked out!